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It was an interesting way to approach the podium. Jim Waltz, governor of Rockland Township, danced to the tune of a 16th-century composition while holding a partner in an elegant gown close to him. When Waltz came to the podium, his centuries-old tuxedo caught the attention of the press, wanting to hear his explanation for the recent salami daycare scandal. “There is no salami scandal,” states Waltz, who insists that his family only eats kielbasa and hot dogs. The crowd was divided as Waltz curtsied and performed a box step to the exit of the stage. Many are infuriated at the possibility of county funding being used to fund daycares that sell a bland meat product. Contrarily, the other side arguing that salami is great when you add onions. “We can’t fault Waltz for wanting to feed our children cured sausage,” says one supporter. “He is working hard to ensure our daycares are suited to the best interest of our children.” This, however, is the biggest problem with the daycares that Jim Waltz has requested county funding for. According to sources, the daycares are actually meatpacking factories with no facilities to accommodate young children. What makes things even worse is that the salami is not even legal due to it being smuggled in from East Crawford County. Koala Bearis has come to the defense of their former running mate claiming that no county law prohibits disguising meat packing plants as daycares. On the opposite side, Mayor Blunders of Oil City, the self declared president of Venango County, is calling for Waltz to resign. He even took to LIE social declaring Waltz “doesn’t dance well.” Waltz tried to respond to Blunders, but was only able to verbalize a continuous “1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3” while moving in circles. We will reach out to him for further comments when he’s done taking a bow.

Below is the chronological order of Mayor Blunders biggest fails. We have created this list which provides you links to every article concerning Mayor Blunders. This article is updated regularly so that you can keep up with Blunders biggest mistakes and the progression of events surrounding his life. MAR 9 2025 Mayor Blunders signs an executive order declaring the Allegheny river the Gulf of Venango. Full article here . MAR 10 2025 Mayor Blunders places tarrifs and sanctions on Pittsburgh attempting to force Allegheny County to comply with Gulf of Venango. Article here . Later that day, Mayor Blunders signs executive order to build dam across the river to cut off Pittsburghs water supply. Article here . Mayor Blunders also signs order to secede from the Union the same day declaring the county the Venango States of America. Article here . Mayor Blunders is nearly killed by a spitball that grazes his ear at a rally in Oil City. Venango County Secret Service agents rush stage with sanitizer saving him from catching covid. Article here . MAR 11 2025 Mayor Blunders loses election to Koala Bearis. Encourages supporters to rush City Outhouse. Article here . Meanwhile, Mayor Blunders dam to cut off Pittsburghs water supply backfires with river flooding Rouseville. Blunders declares flooding "Lake Weed" and names his dam the "Blunder Dam." Article here . MAR 12 2025 Blunders proves the election was stolen by him. Supporters idiotically turn on Bearis since Blunders was smart enough to prove the rigging. Article here . Mayor Blunders orders Chinese food. Drives up county debt by 35 trillion. Article here . Same day, Mayor Blunders catches City Hall, which is the same as the City Outhouse, on fire. Article here . MAR 15 2025 Blunders signs order for Northside residents to use wood from their caved in houses to build new City Hall/Outhouse. Borrows 25 dollars from Franklin to install Bidet Toilet System. Article here . Mayor Blunders signs executive order to carve faces into Northside mountain naming it "Mount Flushmore." Article here . Same day, tensions rise between Oil City and Franklin as Blunders dam not only floods Rouseville, but dries up Franklin's riverbed. Blunders plans boat trip to Pittsburgh to negotiate "Gulf of Venango." Forgets riverbed is dried up and gets stranded. Article here . MAR 16 2025 Oil City residents express opinions on Blunders recent decisions and city debt of 25 dollars owed to Franklin. Article here . Same day, Mayor Blunders engages space race conflict with Titusville who launched rocket at an altitude of 10 feet. Blunders signs order to open space program called "VASA" putting city at risk of 35 dollar debt to Franklin. The Venango County House of Representatives try to stop him. Article here . Later that day, Titusville opens space exploration program called "TASA." Launches rocket 10 feet into the air declaring they've been to space. Mayor Blunders tries to pass bill to open his own space program called "VASA." Article here . MAR 17 2025 Tensions grow between Oil City and Titusville as troops are sent to the county boarders. Forrest county remains neutral but still sends troops to monitor boarder of Venango. Article here . Later that day, Mayor Blunders runs anti drug campaign in Oil City to stop the use of caffeine and sugar. Article here . Same day, Mayor Blunders signs executive order declaring himself President of Venango County. Trying to succeed from the Union again. Article here . MAR 18 2025 Titusville launches spitball nuke at Oil City. Mayor Blunders wants to retaliate. Article here . MAR 19 2025 Venango County declares war on Crawford County. Major cities of Oil City, Seneca, Cranberry preparing for battle. Article here . MAR 20 2025 Venango County retaliate launching missile at Titusville. Missile fails. Article here . MAR 21 2025 Mayor Blunders meets with Pittsburgh mayor to negotiate gulf of Venango. Article here . MAR 22 2025 Crawford County invades Venango. Takes city of Pleasantville. Article here . Mayor Blunders requests money to advertise county poverty. Article here . MAR 24 2025 Crawford troops attack Seneca. Article here . Titusville Mayor requests to give Pleasantville back to Venango. Mayor Blunders refuses. Article here . MAR 28 2025 Mayor Blunders signs bill for 911 dispatchers to use old armory. Article here . MAR 29 2025 Crawford County troops attack Cranberry. Fall into potholes during attack. Article here . MAR 30 2025 Mayor Blunders sells Center Street Bridge to help fund war effort. Article here . APR 1 2025 Venango county soldiers attempt to attack Titusville. Accidentally wind up in Butler. Article here . APR 12 2025 Venango and Crawford reach peace treaty due to lack of inspiration. Establish despitballerization zone on county border. Article here . APR 13 2025 Mayor Blunders places tarrifs on all Asian restaurants. Article here . APR 17 2025 Mayor Blunders goes to war with local building. Article here . APR 18 2025 Mayor Blunders tries to pass bill helping drug entrepreneurs. Article here .

Word of Venango Counties recent secession from the United States has spread to at least 5 people outside the county. As of this morning, reports say word of our newly found nation, the Venango States of America , has reached as far as Clarion County. Professors from Clarion University predict that by next week, we will be the laughing stock of whoever can figure out what the heck a Venango is. Reports also suggest that word of our secession may have even reached a far distant land known as "Lancaster PA." Recently, the Venango Republic Facebook page has grown astronomically by Venango County standards, reaching a whopping 32 followers. That's more than half the actual following of Venango Happenings Facebook page who likely paid a third party app for the rest of their bots. One such follower of the Venango Republic is former chinese assassin, Johny Ray Wilkesebooth. Wilkesbooth understands the irony of Oil Cities situation. You see, Wilkesbooth likes the the New England Patriots, who just like Oil City, used to be great! Like Oil City, Wilkesbooth clings to the hope that one day his favorite football team will be revived. Ironically, just like the businesses that come to Oil City to immediately flop, Wilkesebooth's team has seen a mass number of promising quarterback talent ruined because of their choice to join the Patriots. "I guess it's that mindset of clinging to what we used to excel at" says Wilkesebooth "just like Oil City, our teams biggest industry (Tom Brady) left unexpectedly and the few remaining fans can't help but cling to the hopeless idea that he will one day return." It's understandable why Wilkesebooth has chosen to become a main contributor to the Venango Republic. He looks at Oil City as a picture of what his team is going through.

The 5th annual "Stop the Spread" event turned sour this morning when shots were fired during Mayor Blunders speech. Blunders was this years special guest speaker for the covid-19 awareness rally taking place in Butless Pensylvania, a flat parcel of land at the rear end of town. The Mayor was only 6 minutes into his speech when, on live stick figure quality television, shots rang out with a spitball coming to within a fraction of an inch from taking his life. In the video below, you can see the moments where the stick figure depiction of Mayor Blunder grabs his ear and falls to the ground just before Venango County Secret Service men rush to the stage with hand sanitizer. Oil City police, who also are armed with spitballs due to city budget cuts, returned fire at the assailant, who was laying 25 feet away on the roof of the City Outhouse, which coincidentally, is also the City Hall. The assailant was struck in the face with a spitball and immediately died of covid. "It was a scary moment for me" says the Mayor "one moment I turn my head, and a fraction of a second later, something grazes my ear. I didn't even stop to think it might be saliva before touching it with my hand." The Mayor considers himself fortunate he didn't catch covid and die. "This was a crazy moment for us as well" says a secret service member, whose name we wont reveal because it's a secret "my friend looked at me and said 'did you see that Frank Wilson?" I said 'who the heck uses a last name?' He says 'let's go!' Next thing ya know, Julius Smithsonian and I are on the stage shielding the Mayor." "I think the most inspirational moment was when he stood up" says Karen Uranoying "we know for a fact this was an anti vaccinator. So seeing our Mayor raise his fist yelling 'Fight! Fight!' drove us to take this pandemic more seriously." It's hard for Oil City to know when pandemic will end. Our last internet router broke in late 2020 just after the election. We don't have access to the internet or any major news network. All we can be sure of is that our Mayor Blunder is looking out for our best interest as he leads us through the pandemic. As for the stray spitballs... It's been reported that the city poodle who makes up the K9 unit was struck by one. Authorities tried to run the poodle to ICUP Medical Center in Seneca, but it died of covid on the way. The Mayor was rushed to the vehicle and driven to City Hall. When the Secret Service men got out of the car, they remembered that's where the shots came from. They got back in the car and drove the Mayor to McDonald's instead. As the Mayor drove across town, all 6 citizens chanted loudly "V-S-A! V-S-A!" A reference to recent executive order by Mayor Blunder to secede from the union and declare ourselves the Venango States of America.

The Venango Republic thoroughly covers the workings of Mayor Blunders leadership, so much that each article is building as a narrative. We recognize that there have been multiple articles with varrying stories surrounding Oil Cities terrible attempts at gaining world renown fame. With this being one week since we launched the Venango Republic, we would like to go back and give you the rundown so far. MAR 9 2025 Mayor Blunders signs an executive order declaring the Allegheny river the Gulf of Venango. Full article here . MAR 10 2025 Mayor Blunders places tarrifs and sanctions on Pittsburgh attempting to force Allegheny County to comply with Gulf of Venango. Article here . Later that day, Mayor Blunders signs executive order to build dam across the river to cut off Pittsburghs water supply. Article here . Mayor Blunders also signs order to secede from the Union the same day declaring the county the Venango States of America. Article here . Mayor Blunders is nearly killed by a spitball that grazes his ear at a rally in Oil City. Venango County Secret Service agents rush stage with sanitizer saving him from catching covid. Article here . MAR 11 2025 Mayor Blunders loses election to Koala Bearis. Encourages supporters to rush City Outhouse. Article here . Meanwhile, Mayor Blunders dam to cut off Pittsburghs water supply backfires with river flooding Rouseville. Blunders declares flooding "Lake Weed" and names his dam the "Blunder Dam." Article here . MAR 12 2025 Blunders proves the election was stolen by him. Supporters idiotically turn on Bearis since Blunders was smart enough to prove the rigging. Article here . Mayor Blunders orders Chinese food. Drives up county debt by 35 trillion. Article here . Same day, Mayor Blunders catches City Hall, which is the same as the City Outhouse, on fire. Article here . MAR 15 2025 Blunders signs order for Northside residents to use wood from their caved in houses to build new City Hall/Outhouse. Borrows 25 dollars from Franklin to install Bidet Toilet System. Article here . Mayor Blunders signs executive order to carve faces into Northside mountain naming it "Mount Flushmore." Article here . Same day, tensions rise between Oil City and Franklin as Blunders dam not only floods Rouseville, but dries up Franklin's riverbed. Blunders plans boat trip to Pittsburgh to negotiate "Gulf of Venango." Forgets riverbed is dried up and gets stranded. Article here . MAR 16 2025 Oil City residents express opinions on Blunders recent decisions and city debt of 25 dollars owed to Franklin. Article here . Same day, Mayor Blunders engages space race conflict with Titusville who launched rocket at an altitude of 10 feet. Blunders signs order to open space program called "VASA" putting city at risk of 35 dollar debt to Franklin. The Venango County House of Representatives try to stop him. Article here .

Mayor Blunders, who has served Oil City since the days of the industry collapse, has just signed an executive order to carve faces into the edge of the Northside mountain. With the city recently taking out a 25 dollar loan from the neighboring city of Franklin, experts predict the recent order could set the city back by thousands of years. The city currently is in the red because of their debt to Franklin and is unlikely to have the funds to accomplish this task. Blunders, (a word which connotes every actual mayor since the 90s) has a history of bad financial decisions that often result in failed attempts to draw tourists. In the recent proposal blunders suggested naming the hill Mount Flushmore in honor of the City Outhouse which acts as the City Hall. Blunders believes carving the faces of former mayors into the hills edge will create public pride for the history of the community. Courtesy of Mount Flushmore Experts have warned the Mayor that the hill is too unstable for carving faces. Not only will this require millions of taxpayer dollars, but the faces will likely fall off after the first rain fall. The Mayor argues that instant tourism will more than cover the cost of the project and that the faces crumbling away are a perfect symbolic representation of the Cities past investments. This is not the first radical decision that the Mayor has made in his tenure. Last week, blunders tried to s ecede from the Union to form the Venango States of America. He also built a dam to stop the Allegheny water flow to cut off Pittsburghs water supply and instead flooded Rouseville . As of yesterday, he accidentally ordered too much lomein and drove the county debt up to 35 trillion . Despite these poor decisions, Mayor Blunders is still signing executive orders putting us on the verge of becoming a third world county. Blunders insists that the faces must be carved into the mountain immediately. He has written the Governor of Pennsylvania requesting 400 million to begin the project. It is unclear whether the Governor will approve the proposal. Blunders states that if funds are not granted, he will place tarrifs on the state capital.

Mayor Blunders has increased the County debt to 35 trillion dollars after a miscommunication while ordering Chinese. Blunders was holding a celebration in the heart of Oil City when he tried to order lomein for 22 people. The celebration was to commend Blunders executive order for the County to secede from the Union forming the new Venango States of America. While on the phone, Blunders bragged to the woman that he knew a little Chinese. The woman, impressed by this, started asking him questions about the order in her language. Blunders, who doesn't actually know chinese, but only thinks he does, accidentally placed an order for 4 billion people. The order arrived on time because China City is awesome! When Mayor Blunders saw the 2 thousand truck loads of lomein, he initially thought it was a gift from the nation of China for the newly formed Venango States. Blunders signed the bill without reading it and now Venango is 35 trillion dollars in debt. Mayor Blunders has reached out to the capital of Pennsylvania who formally considered blocking Venango Counties secession. Now, due to the astronomical debt, Pennsylvania is refusing to accept Venango back. As a result of Mayor Blunders secession combined with the unforseen debt to China City, Venango County has become the world's first 10th world country. We are so poor, we don't even classify as a 3rd world country...

In another attempt to secede from the Union and form the Venango States of America, Mayor Blunders has signed an executive order declaring himself President of Venango County. The Mayor had successfully seceded last week for about a day before accidentally ordering too much lomein from China City and driving up Venango's debt to 35 trillion. Pensylvania refused to accept Venango back as a county of the state after the unexpected increase of their debt. Blunders then reached out to Washington D.C. requesting to be let back into the Union. Because Mayor Blunders failed to mention his debt, Washington obliged and now has increased the national debt to 70 trillion all because our stupid Mayor bought too much lomein. Now that the debt to China City belongs to Washington D.C. Mayor Blunders is again trying to succeed from the Union. Blunders has written the state several times this week and has not heard back because he keeps forgetting it's Monday. We drove down to the capital of Harrisburg where Mayor Blunders is threatening to enforce Terrifs if the Governor does not comply with his secession. The Pensylvania Governor showed us all the letters Mayor Blunders writes him every week which he keeps in a special box called the trash can. We asked the Governor what his fears are regarding the Terrifs Mayor Blunders is attempting to put on Harrisburg. The Governor looked at us puzzled, raised an eyebrow, then with a big smile said "HA! I wasn't sure how serious you were!" The truth is, we weren't. We know Mayor Blunders is a moron. After our Meeting with the state Governor, we got back in our car to return to Venango County where we will regrettably rejoin this community. The Governor wished us luck on our sanity and thanked our satirical news outlet for being the only entertainment Venango has going for it.

The Venango County House of Representatives has officially blocked Mayor Blunders orders to secede from the Union. In a recent executive order, Mayor Blunders declared himself President of the county in an attempt to gain momentum in his attempts to declare the county the Venango States of America. Blunders attempt was blocked today with speaker of the House, the Mayors sister, blocking his order. According to the Mayors sister, secession from the Union would be an insane decision at this point. With the city 25 dollars in debt to Franklin and a potential cold war about to take place with Titusville, Venango County is dependent on federal funding to exist. The Mayor, who recieved word of the recent veto of his executive order, is preparing to veto the veto. Once vetoed, the House will have to decide if they will then respond with their own veto. These vetoes are expected to go on until this generation dies off. This veto is brought to you by the local German Accent Towing Company. Got a breakdown? Veto....

Dozens of factory workers from beneath the Veterans Street Bridge are ready to bring in the new year. Though exhausted due to short staffing, the CEOs of the Oil City Drug Ring issued a public statement today wishing their workers a happy new year, promising that 2026 will be much more profitable. The staff shortage began in early October after several workers failed to pass state regulated drug tests. With the staffing cut to less than half, current employees were forced to work harder to meet popular demand. Now, the drug lords say they will create policies for workers to easily fool the drug tests so they can justify hiring more workers. "We are ready to create trainings for new hires explaining the science of tests and ways to fool the system" states the CEO of the Oil City drug ring. The trainings will require at least a month to implement. But the CEO is certain it will help bring on new staff who can avoid testing positive.

The 22 residents of Oil City were in for a big surprise this evening after a display that they have not seen for more than a decade. According to sources, a firework display shot off at the south side of town early this evening without any explanation. The city has not seen fireworks ever since the town wasted their budget on the Center Street Bridge Lights in 2017. Consequently, residents have resorted to yearly burning candles with what little they have left. “This display was quite the shock for each of us,” states Forgettable Peasant Number 5. “The city was ready to celebrate with the last portion of our daily bread. That’s when the sudden boom caused us to drop it into the Seneca Street drain.” No one knows who or what may have caused the fireworks to go off. Police are searching for evidence but are struggling to rollerblade across town due to the heavy snow. They would use cars, but budget cuts have left them with no gas to run their vehicles. Until the source of the fireworks is discovered, people are encouraged to continue celebrating the new year. With no functioning clocks in the town, city folk will be signaled as to when the new year has arrived when they hear the residents of Franklin cheering.

Weather conditions have left the roads dangerously slippery. According to news outlets, the pavement outside can no longer be trusted to sustain vehicles trying to floor it at 85 per hour. To help keep drivers safe, State Police have issued a statement with recommendations on how to stay safe on the roads. The first area of concern for drivers is that everyone makes sure to have their own flame thrower on the front end of their car. This is not necessarily to melt any snow, but to instead burn any deer or pedestrians trying to cross the street without looking. The second recommendation is to carry a crow bar. This way, if one does crash, they have a way to break the window of someone elses so that they will not be stranded. Finally, police are asked road hogs to avoid using public roads as a slip and slide to play bumper cars. Though safety is a concern, they really issued this because they are tired of cleaning up everyones mess. Drive safe and be slow like a soccer mom in Western PA.