The Venango County Museum celebrates the old days of the long lost industry. This old fashioned idea is not necessarily uninteresting, but is something we here at the Venango Republic poke fun at when people use it to try to revive the town. The Venango County Museum is a different story however for the fact that museums are meant to live in the past. Although Oil City is a complete waste, the history itself is appealing and only becomes distasteful when people try to act like those days are not behind us. If there is one way the history of Oil City can display its appeal without being marred by modern enthusiasts trying to revive the town, it's best done in the museum. This is where the recent exibits for the Oil Boom Spectacular come into play. The exhibit features displays which give visitors a feel for the 30s era of the town. Initially, we were going to poke fun at this when we saw the sign outside. But once we saw the attractions posted to facebook, we had to admit, this was not too bad of a concept. The visitation fee seems to be quite reasonable. Lets face it. It is a small museum and Oil Cities history is not that spectacular. Nontheless, for a seven dollar admission fee for adults, the displays might actually be worth checking out. Give it a look and message us to say what you think about these exibits at the Venango County Museum.

It's been over a century since the cities were founded in Western Pensylvania. As time has gone on, both towns have developed at different paces with one becoming somewhat populated while the other.... Well..... Union Town is a city just south of Pittsburgh. It's population is not large by any means. Nonetheless, it has more of a righ to be called a city considering it has more industry. Union City on the other hand, has been nicknamed the armpit of Pensylvania for a reason. With a population of less than three thousand people, it is often wondered why they even have the term "city" to describe thier tiny little slum. Union Town has a population of over nine thousand people. Much like the so called Union City, their population has been declining for years. The difference being that they still have some industry and more than three times the population. So why are the names the way they are? The obvious answer is that some moron in Union Dump thought that they would one day become a metropolis down the road. More than one hundred years later, we find this isn't the case. Instead, the miniscule wretch they call Union City is a complete wasteland of useless buildings that serve no purpose other than to exist. Meanwhile, Union Town, which should rightfully be named Union City, not only has a slight bit more industry and more population, but also loads of crime, making it a perfect candidate for the name Union City. It's unlikely that a name change will take place anytime soon. And yes, the title of this article was clickbait. Ask if I give a crap. Creating this article was still worth it because it gave the Venango Republic a chance to take a shot at the armpits of Western Pensylvania.

A new line of tampons has just hit the shelves today by the Razor Wire Tampons company. According to CEO Worthless Scum, the new line is called Bladed Tampons and will feature extra sharp miniature samuri blades inside of them. "We feel this is the right move for our company" states Scum "we are the only brand of tampons that offers this feature of blades attached. Our sales have been non existent and we feel we must make a move that appeals to the public." Razor Wire Tampons has not made a sale since first hitting the shelves early this year. According to the CEO, the target audience was going to be young women. Unfortunately, buyers have been too smart to buy such a horrible product. "Right now, we just want to offer a tampon that can shave and do whatever it is that tampons do" states Scum, who obviously knows nothing about female problems. The new tampons will be hitting the shelves today. If they fail to produce sales.... The company will continue to exist because they are fictional......

The Mayor of Oil City is has officially sold the Center Street Bridge to help fund the war efforts against East Crawford. This came after Venango County troops spitballs dried up this past week. "With arsenal running low, we had no choice but to sell the Center Street Bridge" states Mayor Blunders "the security of our county is at stake as we speak and we must supply our 9 troops with the best weaponry we possibly can." Venango County has been at war with East Crawford for roughly two weeks after a space race resulted in Titusville bombing the Seneca Street Bridge in spitballs. According to sources, Venango County troops were well supplied with spitballs. However, due to the lack of combat, they all dried up and were rendered useless for the battlefield. Mayor Blunders then sold the Seneca Street Bridge to the druggies who typically conduct business under the Veterines Memorial Bridge. The proposition gained the city 25 cents which the Mayor says is more than enough to resupply the troops.

A local gun shop was raided earlier this week after reports to police suggested there were weapons inside. Police recieved a tip of the potential arms posessed by the shop owner and made a raid late Wednesday night. The reports were validated during the raid with multiple firearms dicovered. Police reports state that multiple gun displays were clearly visible throughout the store. Additionally, a display case containing knives were also visible deeming the environment unsafe for children. Police confiscated the weapons and placed the store owner under arrest for posessing weapons. He will be tried later this week.

Crawford troops have officially advanced past the Seneca defenses onto the industrial city of Cranberry. This after Mayor Blunders poor decision to place all troops at the edge of Oil Cities south side. According to reports, two troops from the Crawford military are laying seige to Seneca as the other two have advanced on to Cranberry. Cranberries Capital building, the Cranberry Mall, lacks military personel and is depending on their deep potholes to prevent the enemies passage. In recent reports, it has been stated that the troops advancing onto the Cranberry Mall have fallen into the potholes in the Mall parking lot. Experts say that the two tried manuevering around the potholes but accidentally slipped and fell inside. It is uncertain if the two troops have survived the fall as experts are too scared to get close enough to find out. East Crawford Counties Capital of Titusville says they will be sending more troops once they raise vulenteers. Unfortunately, the remaining residents of the town are too old to enlist in the service. East Crawford hard reached out to Meadville, the Capital of West Crawford for assistance in raising troops. West Crawford says they are uninterested in joining the fight and wish Titusville would break off and form their own County.

It has been reported by the very unsuccessful Explore Venango that the Oil City Armory will be trading places with the 911 Dispatcher Unit due to increased crime and low funds for weaponry. This came two weeks after Oil City announced that they would be cutting their motor cycle cops down to roller skates. "We are having such a difficult time keeping up with the demand for standard gear for our officers" stated Mayor Blunders of Oil City "crime has increased incredibly and the city has an easier time affording 911 dispatchers than it does people who can stop the crime." The armory was once home to housing equiptment for the National Gaurd but was eventauly abandoned when the feds realized nothing in Western Pensylvania was worth defending. The facility was later used to house the equiptment for local police. It consisted of handguns in 2010, but in recent years downgraded to 3 spitball shooters. Due to the decrease in city budgetary funding, the drug lords of Oil City have taken advantage of the opportunity to increase their inventories. Police have tried to perform raids of the main facility under Veterines Bridge, but unfortunately have been unsuccessful since these drug lords make up the voting population. Sketchy drug operation building beneath veterans bridge. Oil City has now decided to combat the increased crime with more dispatchers. Although they have police to inform of the crimes being reported, it is a nice addition to the town. The dispatchers will be moving into the armory this week and will be trained on the switchboards that have been there since 1910. It is predicted that the dispatchers will take up 95% of the emergency response in Venango County. With there only being one ambulance and a fire fighting carriage with a dead horse, Mayor Blunders in confident we are on the right track as a county.

The Venango Republic has recieved mixed responses since first telling the community the hard truth that there's nothing special about their county. All 15 of our staff members have had to take on aliases after people began threatening to report them to their full time jobs. For instance, John Barrymore, our advertising specialist, had to change his name to Jason Bourne so that nobody would report him to the Oil City Pizza Hut. Additionally, our photographer John Barrymore, also had to change his name to Peter Porker so nobody would report him to his job at Pizza Hut in Oil City. Our news anchor, John Barrymore, also had to change his name to protect his job at the local Pizza Hut in Oil City. Every staff member has taken the initiative to change his name to prevent people from finding out who they are and where they work. But the one this has possibly impacted the most is John Barrymore, our lead journalist who changed his name to Jeremy Jetfuel to protect his job at the local Pizza Hut in Oil City. What's crazy about all our staff members having to take on strange identities is that the most unexpected people still love what they are doing. That is at least what Jeremy Jetfuel discovered when he visited the Venango County Anex today in Franklin PA. What most people don't know is that our lead journalist used to work for Venango County in the Child Protective Services unit. His job was very unique in that, while all the other workers were out investigating allegations of child abuse, he was cleaning the toilets and making sure the place was nice and clean for when the other county agents came back. Jeremy Jatfuel is very well known by the county workers because, despite having the job of keeping the toilets clean, he always managed to stuff them instead. When Jeremy Jetfuel stopped by the Anex today, the county workers welcomed him with open arms while also asking him to keep a six foot distance. Remember.... He did stuff the toilets after Jeremy Jetfuel outside the Anex building. The county workers immediately recognized him and praised him for his part in making the Venango Republic a success. Jetfuel was surprised by this statement. How did they know he was involved? According to the workers, they recognized the sarcastic personality that always got him reported to HR. Jetfuel immediately realized he made a mistake when comparing the toilets he stuffed to the county seat. The workers at the Anex assured Jetfuel that nothing he has written for the Venango Republic offended them. They know Venango County isn't great! Jetfuel was relieved to hear this, and with this promised not to reveal in his articles that their names are Jeffery Janjanjan and Muriah Kateandashley. This way, their support of the Venango Republic doesn't put their jobs at risk. At the same time, Jetfuel decided to still write the article so that people furrious at our platform realize that even the county agrees with us.

A local storm came tearing through the region yesterday causing devastating damage. With countless leaves blown off the trees and multiple dandilions losing their heads, the region was on high alert to avoid potential damages amounting to insurmountable costs. Unfortunately, one resident has lost a major portion of his real estate property. Johny Poorpoor, a local farmer who owns a fourth an acre of land has lost his chicken coop resulting in a major decline in property value. Poorpoor states that he was just about to add improvements to his real estate investment prior to the storm destroying his. "I was going to add a sun roof for the chickens to get sunlight" states Poorpoor "unfortunately, the price of chicken wire is so high these days, I have to count it a complete loss." Poorpoor has been out of work for three years depending entirely on the eggs his chickens lay to keep him alive. Now, he must forage for mushrooms instead. Locals in the community have come together to hold a fundraising event for Poorpoor miraculously raising a total of ten dollars. Unfortunately, this still falls short of the thirty needed for the new chicken wire. Poorpoor states that he is grateful for the community investing so much in his cause. For the time being, he will use the funds to purchase a cardboard box and move to the Oil City Veterines bridge where he will start his own flower and sugar business.

Old news is still news, and when it comes to reporting our opinions of that news, we do what we want because we aren't 100% real. With that said, this article will be somewhat less satirical and a bit more direct about the progress of a business you would not expect to be coming to Venango County. This is a bit of a shock considering all stores like this never last in our region. At the same time, the complex surrounding it is drawing in business to some extent. Therefore, because we have not seen this kind of store for 5 years, maybe there is hope for it to survive. It was announced last June that a new building would be erected for Venango's first attempt at a Marshall's. Never heard of it? We have but had to think about it because they aren't common around here. Grant it, there is one in Erie and Punxsutawney, which are more than an hours drive from Venango. Therefore, it is safe to assume a lot of people around here have never heard of or seen one. Just because it has a big name doesn't mean it's known by us. In case you have no clue, it is a home goods store. That's right! Another retailer that, if it is successful, will likely eat up all the business trying to accomplish the same thing at a local level. We know this because people in the community still express frustration over Walmart making it difficult for local businesses to survive. And now.... To express opinions that will make those local business owners very angry.... GOOD! Yup, you aren't doing anything to advance the county anyway. Nobody is driving out of the way to come to Martha's Peanut Butter-Stained T-shirts. It's about time we get a business that will give the county a little life... Well..... The problem is that nobody is going to drive out of their way to come to Marshal's in Venango either. The people living in Meadville will likely go to Erie because it is a slightly shorter drive. Plus, they have restaurants like chipotle as well. People in regions like Titusville will also probably go to Erie since the variety of stores can justify a day trip. Something you cannot find in Venango County. The issue once again is that Marchal's is too big a name for such a small county. You have a store, and nobody outside willing to make the drive to go shop there. Granted, it does appeal to the lower class that makes up the majority of the county, considering they are an off-price store. Nonetheless, it creates the same problem the local businesses have where it is not the difference maker to bring people in. Meanwhile, the county still has the issue of money outflowing because they have no industry to influence an inflow of cash. Let us illustrate with this picture of a small circle representing Venango County, and a bigger circle representing everywhere people would rather live. If the dude in Venango's circle decides he wants to sell apples, is he really going to draw the people in the big circle when they have apples, oranges, and bananas? Meanwhile, the big circle also has industry exporting product to create an inflow of money to help justify both local and chain department stores. The Venango Republic is not responsible if you're apple business fails from following this graph. I'm not trying to insult local business. I'm trying to insult the people acting like these local businesses are the difference maker. I am also not trying to insult department stores. I am just trying to insult the brainiacs who are trying to bring in department stores when the county doesn't have the inflow of cash to help it thrive. You're issue Venango is that you look to your stores as an option to make your county what it was. You want to make it what it was? Then put the industry of exportation first. Either that or do something more interesting than Christmas lights on the bridge to attract the tourists. What I mean by interesting is something that has never been done before. For instance, in the middle of nowhere, some dude decided to build an ark in the most isolated location in Kentucky. Despite the towns in the surrounding regions being slums, it manages to bring in the tourists Oil City desperately desires. Example two: South Dakota's Black Hills are inconvenient to drive through. However, people are willing to do so because some guy got government funding to put faces in a mountain. This once again proves people will drive to a crappy area to see something unusual and bizarre. Now look at Oil City. It has nothing going for it except that its people live in denial that it has nothing going for it. The enthusiasts try very hard to make the town pleasant but do it in the dumbest ways possible. Instead of building something like an ark, we spent 88 thousand to put stupid Christmas lights on a bridge. You could have got discounted lights at Dollar General, and it would have had the same impact. I love how these enthusiasts know they need to think creatively. Could you imagine how great it would be if they now started to think creatively? This is the major problem with Venango County. We are bringing in stores thinking that the big names mean something when they don't. We also want to beautify the town with attractions you can find in any town with a middle-class economy. Venango County, just do something ridiculous even if it seems offensive. Throw a bra on the county courthouse and call it your advocacy for female judges. I guarantee, national news will cover it, and you will instantly have tourists in this region. You just have to be willing to do the unthinkable. DO IT! Bra taken down by order of the judge. Sign petition to put bra back. Think about it. You will be the only courthouse in the world with a giant bra on the front. You accomplish this task, and Venango will be a tourist trap for entrepreneurs to startup local business. Our tourist trap will literally be a boobie trap! Doesn't it sound like it has potential????? Or.... We can put boring lights on a bridge........

It's been 2 days since Crawford first took the industrial city of Pleasantville from Venango County. Now, they are saying they want to give it back. In a press briefing today, Mayor DumbDumb of Titusville stated that the troops he sent are having a hard time enduring what they are experiencing there. "The soldiers say it is the most unbearable experience they have ever encountered. They are begging me to let them leave." Crawford County troops have been marching deeper into Venango County the last two days and are currently encamped just a few miles from Seneca. The troops left behind to guard Pleasantville are pleading with their mayor to let them abandon the town. Mayor Blunders of Oil City says he will not allow Crawford County to give back Pleasantville. In a press briefing today, Blunders stated that Titusville started this war, and "gaining Pleasantville is a consequence they must accept. " With Venango County refusing to reclaim the unwanted territory, Crawford is forced to extend their county borders. Mayor DumbDumb of Titusville is regretting his decision to take the city stating that its addition to his County has already negatively impacted their economic status with counties that once observed them with respect. "Counties used to say 'oh cool! I know Crawford County' but when I say we have Pleasantville now, they just look at me like I bought a used vehicle." Originally, this war started out as an invasion to take land from Venango. Now that Crawford knows why nobody lives here, it has become a war to give it back. Mayor DumbDumb says he still intends to attack the major cities of Venango to instill fear. However, after experiencing what Pleasantville is like, he does not intend to take anymore land.

A recent study from Venango Campus found that oxygen is in fact essential to sustain life. In a controlled study consisting of 8 baby bunnies, scientists observed the impacts of increased and decreased oxygen levels in a vacuum sealed chamber. The bunnies were placed in the chamber with only a few carrots to help them survive. Scientists began by increasing the oxygen levels to observe if the bunnies would show any improvement in their energy. The results were quite surprising as the muscular growth increased at twice the rate of steroids. The strength of the rabbits became so extreme, the bunnies began holding their own body building competition inside the chamber. Scientists decided to increase the oxygen levels slightly but instantly discovered that the bunnies were turning into enraged monsters out of a Monty Python movie. To avoid the potential of having the rabbits break down the door to the chamber, scientist decided to lower the oxygen levels. The bunnies returned to a normal state of being and became too small to wear their speedos. At this point, it was time to test the effects of lower oxygen levels. Scientists lowered the oxygen levels to zero and instantly noticed the bunnies struggling to stay alive. In a matter of seconds, each animal began to gasp and slowly fall asleep. Once the bunnies were asleep, scientists then increased the oxygen levels again. Oddly enough, the oxygen failed to wake up the bunnies after they choked. According to scientist, it seems that once the body is completely deprived of oxygen, it can no longer be regenerated in the body. All 8 bunnies went to sleep and have shown no signs of waking up. The researchers at Venango Campus have concluded that oxygen is in fact essential to sustain life on Earth.